On January 12th Nintendo did a full reveal of their Nintendo Switch, the successor to the shit-laden thrown of the WiiU. And boy, was it a train wreck. Now the hardware looks solid and has a solid idea behind it. A home gaming console you can take with you and play with your friends on the go. I love it, purely and simply this is the kind of idea that put Nintendo on the top back in the 90's. Now their execution of it during their live stream, well lets just say embarrassing barely does it justice. Nintendo fucked up this conference in the only way that Nintendo possibly could have, and now, we have to hope and pray that Nintendo can save the Switch from the same fate as the WiiU.
Well what happened to the WiiU you ask? Well sit right the fuck down, strap in (and on where appropriate, I don't judge), and get ready for one mild ride. Ultimately the WiiU failed for being the Wii, but also not being the Wii, and not the PS4 or XB1. What does that mean? Well simply put it was something most people saw as something that should have been an expansion for the Wii and not a standalone console. A tablet that doubles a controller is a really good idea, just not at a $150 price point for a tablet alone, and neither is the idea that only one player can use it, oh and you can't do asymmetrical games with it, oh and it will play original Wii games, but you need to go into an emulator mode, and there's no decent 1st or 3rd party support, and all those old digital games (in the digital fucking era I might add) are getting left out too, and what do you mean its not as powerful as a PS3?????? Yea the WiiU was a let down, and there's really no two ways around that. Now don't get me wrong I love my WiiU, and Xenoblade Chronicles X is one of my favorite games, but with that being said Nintendo really missed their mark on the console.
What does this mean for Nintendo and the switch? Well they need to really overcome the failings that happened with the WiiU, or history is doomed to repeat itself, and some of these things, the Nintendo Switch, or what I hope to not have to call it, the Nintendo Shits, is already doomed to do. First and foremost, the Switch needs to have the same graphic performance as its competitors. Lets be real, we live in an age of 1080p and 4k, and if you can't AT LEAST hit 1080p in the home (the whole 720p on the go is fine as its a smaller screen and much more reasonable for conservation of battery life) then you need a serious cognitive re calibration (read: kick to the teeth). Unfortunately, I see Nintendo failing on this aspect. I don't see them releasing an upgraded dock (for a reasonable price) to upgrade the output to 4k, nor do I see them even making that a priority, which will drive down other areas.
The next HUGE thing Nintendo needs to do, coincidentally, is also the first step of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System: Demonstrate Value. As if I, the consumer, am one of Dennis' many sexual targets, Nintendo needs to demonstrate their value to me. And by value I mean justi-fucking-fy the goddamned subscription cost of your online services besides a one month rental of a classic game (that chances are I won't even be able to pick) and just fucking give me like 4 of them. I mean seriously, how much money will they be out in the long run? Nothing? I mean these games have already made their initial sales when they launched, and most of them don't even hold the replayabilty as they once did due to the limitations of the time when they were made. Seriously, its not that goddamned hard Nintendo, get your literal head out of your literal ass and give me value in your online subscriptions, or this potentially awesome console or face me not giving you money for them.
Oh, while were on the subject of retro games, I have one more teensy weensy, itsy bitsy request. *ahem* NINTENDO, IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME YOU RELEASE MORE THAN ONE CLASSIC GAME A MONTH. Seriously. I can go online right now and get a SNES emulator, and a ROM for each and every game on the system. For every game that Nintendo holds the rights too for older consoles (and trust me, theres a lot of them) there is zero, zlich, nada, nuffin, none, no reason why they aren't available digitally for a reasonable price (read not $10-$20 and more like $5). Seriously, unless you want to change the graphics interface looks, in which case you haven't really made a huge effort recently, you have no excuse here. In fact let me give you one very large reason to do this instead: MONEY. It will make you money, especially from people like me, who like to play older games sometimes, and have disposable income to purchase them, especially if they aren't $20 for a game I'll play a couple of times for like an hour or two.
Now, this is a big one, and by big I mean huge, like mega huge. So big it makes yo mama look tiny, and she chased your school bus this morning thinking it was a twinkie. Third party support. What does this mean? Well simply put Nintendo needs to make sure that they not only have 3rd party companies make games for them, but these companies are committed to making games for them. I mean how much fun is it really if the only games I can play on a Nintendo system are games only Nintendo makes or licenses, and I can't play other huge games like Overwatch, Mass Effect, Batman, and others, all because of Nintendo's dumbass quality control and insistence on the Switch being "family friendly". Sorry Nintendo, that won't earn you a top place in the current industry.
Finally, and this is probably the biggest, the last thing Nintendo needs to do to make the Switch successful is to not forget about it like we all try to do with our alcoholic, misogynistic, and racist uncles....unless that's just me. But really, the WiiU fell out of relevancy because Nintendo spent so much time and money on the 3DS that they just kinda forgot it was a thing after pitiful sales and poor release numbers. With 2 million units preordered world wide Nintendo is looking at a bigger launch than the PS4 and XB1, so they certainly have the momentum, but with some of their release lineups I'm not sure they can last very long out of the gate till we start seeing a good amount of games consistently coming out for it. Ultimately time will tell, but Nintendo needs to understand that if their sales drop after a month or two, they need not panic, just to commit to their customers and buckle down for the long run.
So really that's it. I feel like a whore for going back to this whole Rantology thing again, but you know what, I kinda don't care. Either way the Shits comes squirting out in a month and we'll see how it goes. Till next time kids.
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